I have one-on-one, in-depth conversations with at least 40 different pastors over the course of a year.
(I'm a guest preacher in different churches every week all over the country for nearly 3 decades.)
They say to things to ME that they WON'T say to their congregation.
I’ve listened to pastors talk about their lives and ministries for nearly three decades.
Pastors are part shepherd, part therapist, part event coordinator, and part... human.
Yep, contrary to popular belief, they aren't robots sent from heaven with a "Preach On Demand" button.
They love serving us, but there are a few things they wish they could whisper to the congregation—without sounding like they need therapy, a vacation, or a nap.
I’ve been reflecting on this lately as I pray for these guys and spend so much time with them…
Here are 7 things your pastor wishes you knew (but probably won't say out loud).
𝟭. “𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗜'𝗺 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗗𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗠𝗲𝗮𝗻 𝗜'𝗺 𝗢𝗸𝗮𝘆”
You know that feeling when you’re running on two hours of sleep and too much coffee, but you still slap on a smile and say, “𝘐’𝘮 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦”?
Yeah, pastors do that every Sunday.
They stand in the pulpit and deliver God's word even when they’re wrestling with their own doubts, personal struggles, or that one burrito that didn’t sit right.
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗗𝗼:
Every now and then, ask how your pastor’s doing.
And not the “𝘏𝘰𝘸’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘤𝘩 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨?” kind of question.
I mean the “𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨?” kind of question.
Bonus points if you actually listen to the answer.
𝟮. “𝗦𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝗘𝘅𝗵𝗮𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗠𝗲”
For most of the congregation, Sunday is a relaxing day of worship, brunch, and a nap (hallelujah!).
For pastors, Sunday is like running a marathon... in dress shoes... while juggling flaming torches.
By the end of the day, they’re running on fumes and desperately need some down time.
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗗𝗼:
If your pastor looks like they’ve been hit by a bus after Sunday service, they probably feel like it, too.
Give them some space on Sundays (or Mondays) to recharge.
No urgent text messages about the bulletin typos, please.
And please, no bad news, serious conversation or worse, criticism before he gets the Sunday sermon behind him.
𝟯. “𝗣𝗿𝗮𝘆𝗲𝗿 𝗜𝘀 𝗚𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁, 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗦𝗼 𝗜𝘀 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗛𝗲𝗹𝗽”
Pastors love and appreciate your prayers.But if you’ve ever tried to "𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺" a leaky roof or an overflowing inbox, you know some problems need hands-on solutions.
Ministry involves a lot of behind-the-scenes work that can leave pastors feeling like they’re drowning.
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗗𝗼:
Offer practical help.
Volunteer to organize an event, fold bulletins, or fix that weird flickering light in the church hallway.
Faith without works is dead, right?
Hey... offer to babysit his kids and even *pay for* his date night out.
Nice!
𝟰. “𝗠𝘆 𝗙𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗜𝘀 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗪𝗲 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲”
It’s easy to think of your pastor’s family as the spiritual version of the British royals: flawless, poised, and a little bit too perfect.
Reality check: They’re human.
Pastor’s kids misbehave, pastor’s spouses have bad days, and sometimes they all just want to go home and eat cereal in their pajamas.
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗗𝗼:
Let the pastor’s family be real people.
Offer them grace, space, and maybe an occasional “𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵” instead of “𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘉𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘸?”
(No, you didn’t say that, but somebody did.)
𝟱. “𝗜 𝗡𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗮 𝗦𝗮𝗯𝗯𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹, 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗜’𝗺 𝗔𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗔𝘀𝗸”
Asking for a sabbatical feels like saying, “𝘏𝘦𝘺, 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘤𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦?”
It sounds terrifying.But the reality is, a break for your pastor is like changing the oil in your car.
It keeps everything running smoothly and prevents major breakdowns (both mechanical and emotional).
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗗𝗼:
Lobby your leaders to let your pastor to take a sabbatical.
Trust that the church won't collapse without them.
A rested pastor comes back with fresh ideas, new energy, and maybe even fewer gray hairs
𝟲. “𝗜’𝗺 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗢𝗻-𝗖𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝟮𝟰/𝟳 (𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝗮 𝗚𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴)”
Pastors love you, but they can’t always respond to our Bat-Signal for emergencies.
Constant availability isn’t sustainable.Even superheroes take a day off (unless you're Batman, but he’s a billionaire with gadgets and a butler).
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗗𝗼:
Respect their boundaries.
If it’s not urgent, maybe save that late-night question for the morning.
Trust me, your pastor’s brain works better after a full night’s sleep.
𝟳. “𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸? 𝗚𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁. 𝗔𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘆𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗖𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗺? 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗦𝗼 𝗠𝘂𝗰𝗵”
Feedback helps pastors grow.
But anonymous notes in the offering plate that say, “𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘥, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶”?
Not so helpful.
Pastors need real conversations, not cryptic complaints.
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗗𝗼:
If you have feedback, deliver it with love (and your name attached).And hey, sprinkle in some encouragement while you’re at it.
A little “𝘎𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘰𝘯!” goes a long way.
𝗔 𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁
Pastors are called to lead, love, and serve.My best friends in the world are pastors… and I don’t like just anybody (wink, wink).
They give their all, even when they’re running on empty.
(Yes, there are exceptions, but in my circles, hard working, sacrificial pastors are the rule.)
Understanding these unspoken truths doesn’t just help your pastor—it strengthens the whole church.
And who knows?
Maybe the next time you offer a helping hand or an encouraging word, you'll see your pastor smile a little wider.
Now go forth... and maybe buy your pastor a coffee.
Or, better yet, let him enjoy a few more "silent nights" and a few less "hark the heralds" this year.
P.S. 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗻𝗲𝘄𝘀𝗹𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲: 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗢𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗶𝘇𝗲𝗱 𝗣𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝗡𝗲𝘄𝘀𝗹𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿!
Delivering weekly strategies to 10X a Pastor's Vitality, Health & Productivity... in Less Than 5 Minutes Per Week.